Saving a Relationship: How To Get Back Together
Author: Susan Stays
Category: Relationships
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We all know couples who split up after some time of being together and for which there is no going back. The reasons for their split are often very shocking and very painful for either one of them (infidelity, cheating, fights, and abuse) and bad feelings prevent the couple to reconcile despite that in many cases love and affection still remain.
When there are problems in the couple regardless the reason, there is no question that it is the responsibility of the two of them of saving the relationship. However, this is not always the case and very often one of them will play the victim's role and the other will be responsible for everything else. Taking extreme roles will not make it easier to reach a solution.
The victim feels like seeking allies amongst his/her friendships to continue instilling the other the responsibility and guilt about the split they are living. When a person is determined to play the victim's role in the break up, it is almost immediately implied that he/she will do nothing to solve the problem, as he/she firmly thinks that the other party needs to change.
This attitude is just a way to keep away from the problem whose solution depends on two people. Even in cases where there is no question that the other has committed a serious mistake (infidelity, for example) the affected person has some share of responsibility because no one looks for a third party if things are working.
If the communication is not working but both want to be in position of saving a relationship, you should start wondering if you have some responsibility. Why has my wife been unfaithful? Did I contributed to this situation? We seldom ask these questions and we appear to be happy playing the victim's role instead of facing the problem.
The loss
Once the breakup is finished the pain for the loss of a loved one appears. Each person sees it differently: some try to move on immediately while others have a hard time trying to get over it in months, or even years.
Overcoming the break up
At this stage, there are many contradictory and confusing feelings and it is hard to settle for a consistent attitude.
Sometimes we miss and want to go back to our ex and sometimes we hate him/her for having treated us badly.
Try again
When we finally overcome this difficult period, some people decide to give it a try in spite of everything that has happened because they think it is worth the effort and that life really is much more satisfying with a partner.
Maybe during our worst moments, we take such an unacceptable attitude that we are not able to appreciate the good memories of our relationship and we get carried away by negativity, everything is bad and we see no further. When we have lost him or her and take one step back, it is not uncommon to realize that it was not so bad and that those things that were unbearable are actually reasonable and do not cost us that much at all. Especially if we tend to overreact, we run the risk of focusing on negative ideas rather than in saving a relationship.
I realize this article is getting too long and I have some additional good stuff to share with you. Please visit saving a relationship.
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Keywords: saving a relationship, breaking up advice, saving a marriage, how to get you ex back, love relationship advice
View Count: 198
Date Submitted: 2/5/2010
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